Stop Saying “We All Have Red Flags”

No, we really don’t. Abusive, toxic behaviour is not the norm.

There’s been a trend online for the past year regarding red flags. Everything is regarded as a red flag nowadays, from being friends with their ex to not texting back enough, an obsession with social media, liking Love Island, etc. Consequently, “everyone has red flags” has become the self-aware catchphrase of blogs and forums worldwide, but such a sentiment is more dangerous than helpful.

Whilst it’s positive for people to be self-aware of their flaws and shortfalls in a relationship, categorising such things as ‘red flags’ can severely damage and harm people. The normalisation of red flags as an omnipresent feature of all humans does one of three things:

1. It trivialises abusive behaviour by blurring the lines between abuse and preferences/dealbreakers
2. It gives abusers a get-out-of-jail card by allowing them to weaponize the term and turn it back on the victim (i.e. if we all have red flags, then their red flags are part of life and should be tolerated, not the exception that should be immediately addressed and corrected).
3. It normalises abusive behaviour and makes victims question the legitimacy of their concerns.

Red Flags Save Lives