I’ve Ruined My Life

and I couldn’t be happier

Many of us are prone to catastrophic thinking. Every time we say the wrong thing, fail an exam, chicken out of asking that hot person at the coffee shop out on a date, lose money, blow an amazing opportunity, or mess up with a partner, we kick ourselves mentally as we lie awake in bed at night, internally berating ourselves for always ruining everything. We all have a moment when we think to ourselves, ‘I’ve ruined my life.’ This is the story of how I ruined mine.

It’s coming up to the third year anniversary since I ruined my life. I applied for a PhD, and everything in my life has fallen apart since then. I ended my long-term romantic and professional relationships over a lack of support for my decision. Because I’m not funded, I had to find a way to make a full-time income as a single person whilst also studying, which resulted in me becoming a full-time YouTuber. The money isn’t great. In just ten months, I lost over a quarter of my savings. I don’t even live paycheck to paycheck; I live paycheck to paycheck plus savings.

I also learned the hard way that many people aren’t very supportive when you start a PhD. Some people get competitive and jealous and even go so far as to try and sabotage you, whilst others don’t take your time seriously and presume working from home means you’re free all the time and don’t really have to work…